Mr. Playboy Is Mr. Pathetic

Has anyone else noticed how pathetic Hugh Hefner looks these days? Despite all the wonder drugs, age is finally catching up to him, as it eventually does with everybody who lives long enough. He still wears the trademark robe and slippers out in public. All that’s missing is the drooling.

In interviews, usually conducted with a trio of tall blondes him at his sides, Hefner looks like a great-grandpa being propped up en route to the bathroom. He repeatedly has to ask questioners to repeat themselves because he is hard of hearing. He has a daughter who is retired. Maybe that should tell you something.

Hefner’s whole façade of an old man living a fantasy sex life grew tiresome a few dozen girlfriends ago. He is desperately trying to retain youth; the cosmetically enhanced women 60 years his junior are simply looking for, um, exposure.

When a sixth season of The Girls Next Door began last month, Hefner’s previous mansion playmates had achieved enough fame to launch their own careers. He now has younger replacement models to fawn over him.

“The grand adventure begins anew,” Hefner opined to the camera. He’s dubbed 22-year-old Crystal Harris his “number one girlfriend.”

“I don’t notice his age,” Harris said. Guess she doesn’t believe there’s something creepy about an octogenarian crawling around in a bed with the latest centerfold.
Oh, and Hefner has 19-year-old twins as backups.

Of course nobody really lives like this. Lost in all the media love fest over Hefner as a First Amendment trailblazer is the fact that he is committing adultery with women one-fourth his age. I think we’d all be better off if Hefner did what another 83-year-old revolutionary has done. He should go into exile like Fidel Castro.