Playing Favorites?

This week, Time magazine’s cover story (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2094371,00.html) purports that parents can’t escape having a favorite child, even if they never admit it. As the father of three adult sons, I don’t think my wife or I consciously ever gave preference to one child over another.

It’s probably more accurate to say that each boy is a favorite at a particular time, but not in the cumulative. If I want to cheer enthusiastically at a baseball game, I should plop down next to Josh, the ultimate fan. If I’m ready to face the toughest competition in a tennis match, that means setting a date with Jesse, who is athletic at anything he attempts. If it’s time to enjoy music with a son, that would be Zach, who has a wide range of tastes, including the soundtracks that are my favorites.

Josh we like for his dogged pursuit of a teaching career, zest in playing sports, even-tempered personality, maturity and independence.

Jesse we admire for his compassion for the downtrodden, thirst for biblical knowledge, simple lifestyle, zany sense of humor and love of travel.

Zach we appreciate for his stand for righteousness in the midst of a hedonistic workplace, his passion for music, his pluckiness in working his way through college, his love of children and his desire to spend time with his aging parents.

I disagree with Time’s premise that the middle child — especially in a family with three sons — gets the shaft. Certainly Josh received the most undivided attention as the firstborn. And Zach reaped the requisite perks of being the youngest. But Jesse managed to rise above the bounds of being stuck in the middle of three boys born within 3½ years. He emerged, like his brothers, as an intelligent, talented and personable man.

We love our children in different ways, which we hope results in equal treatment. Josh, the oldest, turned 29 yesterday. We took him, his lovely wife and two wonderful daughters out to eat. Because Zach lives nearby, we invited him, too. We didn’t want to play favorites.